Tuesday, November 19, 2024

tarot 11/29/24

 Thank you for sharing the cards. Let’s dive into each one, looking at how they might reflect the past, present, and future energies in your relationship with your fiancĂ©e. This spread suggests a dynamic of communication, ambition, and resilience, but with the reversal of each card, it’s highlighting some underlying tensions, hesitations, and possible misunderstandings. Let’s look more closely.


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### **Past: Page of Swords Reversed**

In the past position, the **Page of Swords reversed** suggests that there may have been miscommunications or misunderstandings in your relationship, or times when communication was less than straightforward. Perhaps there were moments where curiosity and excitement gave way to nervousness, doubt, or overthinking, leading to hesitation in speaking openly. This card can sometimes indicate someone wanting to express themselves but holding back out of fear of conflict, criticism, or even insecurity. 


This may have created a pattern where ideas were left unspoken, or assumptions were made without clarity. Reflecting on this, it might be worth considering if there’s any lingering uncertainty from past miscommunications that needs to be cleared up to move forward with a stronger foundation.


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### **Present: Page of Wands Reversed**

In the present position, the **Page of Wands reversed** suggests a sense of restlessness or frustration in the relationship’s current stage. While there’s certainly potential and passion between you, there may be challenges around channeling this energy in a shared direction. Perhaps either of you has dreams or plans that feel put on hold, or you’re both experiencing a moment where enthusiasm for certain future plans feels a bit stifled.


This card’s appearance here could be nudging you to examine any unexpressed desires, ambitions, or small frustrations within the relationship. Sometimes it appears as a reminder to reignite excitement through shared goals or creative endeavors, bringing fresh energy into your connection. Now might be a good time to check in with each other’s dreams and explore how you can support and encourage each other’s aspirations.


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### **Future: Seven of Wands Reversed**

In the future position, the **Seven of Wands reversed** suggests that there may be challenges ahead that could make one or both of you feel vulnerable or uncertain. This card, when reversed, often reflects a sense of being overwhelmed, as if the usual confidence in handling issues or standing your ground feels compromised.


Looking ahead, this card is encouraging you both to prepare for moments when it will be necessary to stand together as a team, especially if external pressures or differing opinions from others come into play. This may be a call to work on strengthening your support for one another, setting boundaries as a couple, and nurturing your connection so that when challenges do arise, you can approach them feeling grounded and unified.


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### **In Summary**

The combination of these cards invites both reflection and intention-setting as you move forward together:


- **Past (Page of Swords Reversed):** Consider revisiting any past misunderstandings or communication habits that may benefit from clarification or closure.

- **Present (Page of Wands Reversed):** Focus on bringing fresh excitement into the relationship. Open up about any feelings of stagnation and explore new ways to inspire and support one another’s passions.

- **Future (Seven of Wands Reversed):** Prepare to navigate potential challenges with resilience and teamwork. Building trust and a shared sense of resilience can help you face future obstacles from a place of strength.


In this reading, the cards gently emphasize the importance of open communication, mutual support, and collaboration. With conscious effort in these areas, you both can enter a future with increased understanding, passion, and resilience.

Friday, November 8, 2024

Death and Taxes

One felt fear, uncertainty, anger. The other felt determination, cocky. Yet the words were extremely difficult to counter. Perhaps the greatest challenge that lasted for days. Taxing for the other. Though after time, defenses fall. The one is calmer. At least it seems so. Now the other chokes in the aftermath. Draining color like a siphon. Sulk, taxed by the emotional challenge. Is it really a victory?

Wednesday, November 6, 2024

idea for an OC

 this is an idea i got for an oc after changing the analog clock in my workplace. i paid attention to the hands of the clock. it always seemed a bit interesting when the hands of the clock were aligned opposite to one another, forming a 180 degree angle as a straight line, then again when the hands overlapped one another.

"Teleharmonic"

180 degrees (hands opposite)

1. 00:32:44

2. 01:38:11

3. 02:43:38

4. 03:49:05

5. 04:54:33

6. 06:00:00

7. 07:05:27

8. 08:10:55

9. 09:16:22

10. 10:21:49

11. 11:27:16

12. 12:32:44

13. 13:38:11

14. 14:43:38

15. 15:49:05

16. 16:54:33

17. 18:00:00

18. 19:05:27

19. 20:10:55

20. 21:16:22

21. 22:21:49

22. 23:27:16

"Paraharmonic"

360/0 degrees (hands overlap)

1. 00:00:00

2. 01:05:27

3. 02:10:55

4. 03:16:22

5. 04:21:49

6. 05:27:16

7. 06:32:44

8. 07:38:11

9. 08:43:38

10. 09:49:05

11. 10:54:33

12. 12:00:00

13. 13:05:27

14. 14:10:55

15. 15:16:22

16. 16:21:49

17. 17:27:16

18. 18:32:44

19. 19:38:11

20. 20:43:38

21. 21:49:05

22. 22:54:33

Thursday, October 31, 2024

about a meme

it may be a meme, but I have a lot to say about it, as someone who is the guy in the top right, in the military. the caption is "a big thank you to all our essential workers putting their lives on the line," and I have a strongly mixed opinion on it. 

My physical life will never be on the line. Never got deployed, never saw combat. My job (network technician/training dev) rarely does the former and will basically never do the latter. Other jobs and branches see threats to their physical lives more often, positions such as infantry, munitions, or what have you—people out on the front lines.

Yet the aspect of my life I'm putting on the line is my mental life. Couldn't have been poorer than at any other point in my life. The military may have developed my career more than anything I've ever done before as a civilian, and it gives me benefits too both as active duty and in the future as a veteran, but it comes at the incredible cost of my mental well-being. I was happier in general before the air force, and now I'm not. I have anxiety. I have lost personal freedom and the luxuries of civilian life, like having complete freedom over my appearance and behavior. My personal identity conflicts with the military, even—i cannot be myself as much as I would like.

Sacrifice. That's the handle. I'm so tired of sacrificing so much. Sacrificing the choice of where to work, where to live, do the job I want, be close to family, have long hair, have a big beard, treating everyone indiscriminately. What's that last one? Because of your rank, because of that one square in the center of your chest, you are automatically treated differently. Tech sergeant? Airman? Chief? Captain? Whatever it says, you will be judged, viewed differently, and treated in special ways, whereas I personally would like to just treat everyone as more or less the same and no more special than anyone else. 

The culture. The people. The red tape. The paperwork. Formalities, technicalities, rules, regulations. I was okay with the whole military thing when I enlisted about 3 and a half years ago. It all started to gradually wear me down by the 2.5 year mark, a year ago at the end of the year 2023. so, now what? continue putting my life on the line.