This month has been marked by a lot of wicked and intriguing events. August may have been the most tedious month of the year. I have a calendar where I mark out of five stars how each day was, with a description of usually two words or less. A lot of those days were three stars. But October, on the other hand, will see a lot of days with stars between four and five. October will be the most eventful month of the year, I expect. So far it's been full of those wicked and intriguing events which I describe as the following.
AFTERSHOCK 2023
I went to Aftershock, a music festival in Sacramento. That was over Columbus Day weekend. My brother was visiting--he is a trucker and was in the area and stopped to take vacation to see me. It was my first time attending any music festival. We stood at an airbnb in Sacramento on Q St. He took his e-scooter and I took my bike and we rode to and from the venue. (Great idea, I'll do that again in the future.) The first day was Thursday and that was decent. Loved White Reaper, who played in the afternoon. I already enjoyed them and saw them in San Francisco about 6 months back, I think. Other bands I saw: Pennywise, Deathbyromy, The Bronx. I did see others but don't remember them. But I do remember Incubus. My brother likes them. When they played "Pardon Me", I was somewhere else from my brother, but I knew he loved it because that's his favorite song by them. I recorded it all on my phone.
The next day, Friday, was the best day. I did a lot that day. Many mosh pits I went into. Bands of that day I remember enjoying: Skillet, Tallah, Varials, Gideon. Those last three had some crazy hard stuff, brutal metal/punk stuff. Megadeth was a highlight. I love Megadeth already. Enormous crowd, some 4-5000 people. Snake and wriggle my way deep into the crowd to get into the mosh pit. Surrounded by a lot of shirtless sweaty men. Very atmospheric. There was a Luigi and Mario in this mosh pit. Crowdsurfing too. Limp Bizkit was nice. Crowded. Got drunk at that point and did the dance thing on "Rollin (Air Raid Vehicle)". Some shirtless guy climbed the 20-foot tall spotlight structure and security went up after him, but he got down before they caught him. Deafheaven was another highlight. I came to Aftershock especially for them because I like blackgaze. It was incredible. I was in the mosh the entire time. I was at the center making these swirling motions with my arms as about half a dozen people circled around in the mosh, like I was some warlord or wizard or something in the Eye of the Deafheaven Hurricane, with my hooligans at command moshing around. Best part of that day. I saw Tool too, but I think the music festival scene killed that vibe. Psychedelic visuals, but best enjoyed in a deep-listening session free of outside intrusion.
Saturday. Didn't care about Korn. Pantera did not show and neither did Corey Taylor. Babymetal was OK. My brother loved Sleep Token; mysterious cloaked and shadowed figure singing and dancing and ripping some hard metal stuff. Awesome strobe and visual effects. Ten56 was OK too. The rest of the bands were alright, but I don't remember them. Polyphia was great--some instrumental prog rock with so much color and flair. They came on about 15-20 minutes late. I was right in front of the AV booth and you could see the tech crew moving and working really hard. Props to them for trying really hard. Ever think about how much work goes behind the scenes in concert work?
Sunday. Uneventful. Did not last for long. Queens of the Stone Age (one of my favorite bands) and Guns N Roses would play later that day but I had too little energy. I didn't particularly know any of the other bands playing that day either. Did not want to spend more on the food there. Spent all my energy on the other days. Too tired of all the people. During the whole of Aftershock, a permanent haze hung over the scene. A fog of weed and tobacco and vape. I did not like that. Had to avoid breathing in second-hand frequently. Maybe I would enjoy it if I could smoke any weed.
Also not a fan of how commercialized and capitalist some of these music festivals are. Spend $15 on a single meal. $5 on a drink. Clear backpacks only when checking in. No outside food. Had to throw out a sandwich I brought in. Would enjoy a more grassroots, DIY type festival where you rely more on the generosity of others. Bring in your own food and whatever you want. Tents. Coolers. BBQ. Drinks. You survive on yourself and your fellow humans. Not the businesses and companies. Unless you don't care about money you spend. (Burning Man's Black Rock City is nice for this "alternative lifestyle" ideal. Gotta check that out.)
Moving Out
I moved out of my dorm into base housing. Could not enjoy the weekdays or weekend over the past week or two as much as I wanted, because I had stuff to pack. It never struck me how much stuff I have. It was a nuisance trying to put everything in boxes. And between that and the red tape, the hoop-jumping, and all manners of finagling with MHO, leasing office, first sergeant, ADL, and any other entities made it a very annoying process. But that's all over now mostly. I just have to pick up the remains of several boxes left in my room and clean it up for a final inspection by the ADL. Then I'm officially out of the dorm.
I notice. Why, just how, do I have so much shit?
I got a lot of furniture from Habitat for Humanity ReStore in Grass Valley. A lot of nice things here, but a lot of hassle using U-Haul to get that sorted out. Set me back $72. About $320 more on the furniture I got, including a futon which I bought on a whim, saying "fuck it." If there was any time I wish I had a truck it was now.
Today I was frozen. Though it felt certainly nice to have about half of my clothes finally in my closet, the rest are waiting to go into my dresser which still sits in the garage. My desk right now is a folding picnic table. The room looks like an absolute mess. It feels so cluttered, stressful. I know the house will be broken in in a few months, and finally things will straighten out once unpacking has been fully complete in (I expect) a week, there is still one word I can use to describe the sense of moving into a new place: liminal. An in-between. Where you are not comfortable, yet not uncomfortable.
I will not buy a bed. A bed is big, cumbersome, hard to move. In other countries, people sleep in different ways too. A futon in Japan. Hammocks in South and Central America. So I bought a hammock. Easy to disassemble and move. Useful in other locations where a bed wouldn't be right. Living room, patio, etc. Thing is the thing came here without all of its hardware. So tomorrow I have to go buy M8 wingnuts and washers. Then I can finally sleep in the hammock.
If there is any piece of furniture that matters most to me is a nice desk. When I used to live in Connecticut, I had a big, nice desk. It fit my decorations, my synth, and my computer. Drawers for storage too. I cannot stand a desk that has open shelving on the bottom. I do not have a PC, I have a laptop, so I do not need a place to put a PC tower. I need drawers for storage and a hutch to display my decorations. Getting the dream desk is the top of my list. But maybe I can't have that quite yet. What matters more is just getting my room settled in. The bonus things like a rug, fan, and extra storage can come later.
Slowdive and Murakami in Frisco
Earlier this week on Monday, I had the day off because of a volunteer event I did the month prior. It was so convenient I used my comp day for that day. Originally I was going to use leave for that day and Tuesday to go see Slowdive in San Francisco. But I did not want to. I used leave for Aftershock and I will again when my boyfriend visits in a week. No need to drain more of my leave.
So my plan was this: cancel my airbnb (which I booked a month ago but upon evaluation of my leave, could not use, also with money to save). Success--they made an exception on the non-refundable booking when I pulled the "active duty military" card. Instead, I would drive to Frisco in the afternoon, spend time there, see the band that evening, and drive home immediately after to make it in time to get sleep and get to work.
I drove to West Oakland and parked at a residential neighborhood and walked to the BART train station. (Good idea. I'm never driving again in Frisco. Absolute nightmare. Save money on parking, and hassle from commute by just taking the subway.) Hailed a train for $3.55 to Powell St station. Get off. Man, Frisco has so much atmosphere. It's nice to visit the city. But God, some places here are so trashy. Litter and debris everywhere. Tents for the homeless line the streets. That's in Tenderloin. Yes, the name of the neighborhood is Tenderloin. Don't visit Tenderloin. Gives me heebie jeebies. Stay on Market St and Mission St.
I had about 6 hours to burn before the concert. Go people watching. A toddler cries in a man's arms these terribly loud screams, while two nuns of some kind cross the street and a man with a mask of Chucky from Child's Play sits on a bench, with the mask on the back of his head so whenever he looks opposite to you, Chucky stares into your soul. What a place. Amusing and hilarious. But I continue to wander. Wander in Frisco, you will find anything interesting by going 30 minutes in any direction.
So I stumbled upon the Asian Art Museum, across the street from the capitol building. Admittance is typically $20-30 but I get in free with a VIP pass because I'm military. I go to see the featured exhibition: Murakami Monsterized. I saw this artist before! The superflat art movement. Outlandishly toony and psychedelic. It was hypnotizing, this art. I looked at his gallery for about an hour and bought the book of what was on exhibition. Incredible eye candy. I can't keep lugging around this book though, my arms are tired. Get a backpack? The Murakami backpacks are $300 apiece. Aghast, I leave the store with only the book. Then I check out the other galleries. Contemporary Chinese and Korean art. Cool, but not as cool as Murakami.
Leave the museum. Hungry. Go to Chinatown to the same Chinese place I ate last time I went. Ate the entire plate of fried rice. Buy a backpack in a store there for $20. Straps are extremely short, that's the Asian thing. Then wander around a bit more and deciding I have nothing else to do, wait in line at the Slowdive concert which doors open in 45 minutes. I wait in line and then go in. Two people compliment me on my Jesus and Mary Chain T-shirt, of Psychocandy, the album. I compliment a guy wearing a Deafheaven shirt.
The place is not at all crowded but over time the place is packed, even the mezzanine where I am seated. The opener of the concert was Sun Colony. Decent. Reminds me of Film School or Duster. The singer sings some notes in a higher voice sometimes in this one song and he sounds like a scrawny nerd ejaculating moans.
But Slowdive comes on after and it's magical. Psychedelic video visuals in the background. All of the songs have a familiar vibe, as if I've heard all of them before. I do listen to Slowdive but not always. I climb down from my seat to the railing but a guy behind me tells me not to stand here, obstructing view. Fuck you, I'm vibing. Let a man vibe. But I respect his wishes and move to the doorway in the center of the mezzanine where I can enter my dreamy, wavy movements and swaying without blocking views. "Machine Gun." "Sugar For the Pill." Other songs too. But the band, they play so loudly.
It is beautiful, how loud it is. I can feel it in my body. This sound, this sound resonates with my emotions. This is what love sounds like. It is what it feels like, the music. A wall of sound, a shapeless, boundless ocean of sound. I return to my seat. And the last song plays and something in it makes me tear up. The strobes are blinding. The world around vanishes. The sound puts me into a deep trance where all I can think about is Mark. Mark, Mark. The love of my life. And I think of him and the sound and the blinding light and the music washes so deeply into me that I begin to cry. It is beyond description. It is a drug, a psychedelic explosion of emotion. When the song ends, the house lights come on. The audience applauses and I sit there completely dumbfounded in awe, mouth ajar, and I look beside me. Everyone claps and smiles. The guy next to me, he sees me crying, and he nods. He understands this feeling.
The walk out of the venue made the world a different place. Everything was different. I felt rebirthed. Born again. Alive. This is what it felt like to be alive. I caught the train again minutes after leaving and got to my car and drove home with some upbeat breakcore or EDM playing. Got home at 1 AM. Just enough time to sleep.
I bought the Slowdive ticket quickly after hearing it was up for sale. I wanted to sell it a few weeks after because I think I bought it on impulse. But I do not regret not selling it. It was one of the best impulse buys I had ever made. It was the best concert I had ever attended.
Mark, Truest Love Of My Life
Mark will be here in one week. The time has passed so quickly since I last saw him 11 months ago. It makes me sad knowing time passes so quickly, because the time I have with him will go by just as fast when he actually is here. But it will be a time unlike any other before.
I first met him in person February last year. We did LSD that I had saved for 13 months. Ultimate icebreaker. Realize the true meaning of love. Crying, laughing, dancing, and talking together. It was a fairy tale. Magical. Christmas was a bit more grounded. Less of a romantic fantasy. It was more about commitment, reality, yet it was just as rewarding. The love still remained. It felt stronger. While February was a crashing spike or wave that pierced deep into my heart in the most pleasant way, Christmas was those waves turning into ripples: subtle, diffused, yet reached everywhere beyond the heart.
This time, he is coming to the US instead. Going around my stomping ground instead. I'll show him my favorite hiking trail. We will see the sunset together. Ride bikes together. The things we had seen and dreamt of in our fantasies. February and Christmas was frigid cold, but this time, it will be warm and bright, and that will be a beautiful thing for love.
To make matters even better, we're going to the furry convention in Reno, BLFC. It'll be his first furry convention. It'll be my second time going, but first with the actual fursuit I own. We'll go to the rave. Enjoy the atmosphere. I'll adore his reaction to seeing furries up close and in the heart of the scene, much like my own first time at a convention. So much to do and see. We'll do everything. The rave too. He never attended a rave and neither did I, but I know the furry raves are real and do happen at the convention.
We'll even be on mushrooms. Yes, I have magic mushrooms, courtesy of my brother. He got some from a person he had met after roaming around after making a truck delivery. So incredibly convenient. Outrageously convenient and lucky. Was it a sign of God, destining myself and Mark to trip again? How when I first saw him in Canada we tripped on acid, and now we're doing it again when he first sees me in America? There will be so much love. Joy, happiness, memories for a lifetime. Even more when I propose to him.
So daunting to have such a title. Fiance. Future husband. It feels so right to propose. I can't do long distance for much longer. My heart yearns for him. Every time I am with him, I feel like a better person. I am not lonely. I can smile more often. I get to feel things I have never felt with any other person. I want to be with Mark forever. I keep my head in the clouds and stare into dreams and fantasies because I know they will come true some day. They give me hope. The future for us gives me hope. Being married, to finally know I have found the love of my life, something I had never thought I'd have before, gives me more than hope. It gives me my life back.
Iyo, Harlow's, "Sickness," and Miscellaneous Sundries
I bought a giant Iyo plushie something like 3 months ago and just recently she came in. A bit dopey looking. I forget how heavy and huge and cumbersome a plushie of her size is. 56 inches tall. She looked a bit different in my head. Looked better. But I can't regret this purchase. It's one of a kind. There is no one else in the world with such a thing. It's a talking point for anyone who sees it. It's a symbol of my love for Iyo. The plushie will grow on me. She is also good to spoon with. And oh God, her ears are gargantuan. It's fun.
At Harlow's tomorrow, LSD and the Search For God and Film School plays. Imagine the shock on my face when I learned about that from simply looking at bandsintown.com after having seen Slowdive. I know LSD and Film School. I love them both. To have them both show up at a venue in Sacramento an hour away, at a venue I've been to three times before, is a star alignment. Perfectly timed! Perfectly convenient! I'll love it. I'll wear my Psychocandy shirt again. I'm extremely excited. I'll have to have drinks this time. And my flask. I know Harlow's does not have a metal detector. I snuck gin in to the venue before. No way I'll pay $5 a drink when I can take in five of my own.
Moving into a new place did not help my physical health. I felt like crap last Friday, with the running nose and sneezing and sinuses. I thought it was allergies. Season's changing anyway. But it worsened. I got headaches and body fatigue and coughing the day after that persisted for two days afterwards. Felt like shit that I couldn't properly rest since I was packing all my stuff. I could not enjoy my weekend as much as I had wanted to because of all this packing nonsense. I don't think I will again this weekend either because of unpacking. But the concert tomorrow will be something. And I have no choice. I have to unpack if I want to get situated, and make my place look good for the honey.
Other miscellaneous topics. Got picked for the training development team at work. Made a training plan on password recovery on Cisco Catalyst switches. Impressed the sergeants. All of the people on the dev team are NCOs, I'm the only junior enlisted. Looks good for my record. Maybe will be a trainer or instructor some day? What else... have not posted any art publicly for two months. It actually feels fine not doing it. Everything is moving its course without me. I get to go back to the grassroots of spoiling myself and not caring about others. Stats don't matter to me now. Envy is much decreased.
I don't think I have much else to write about. I'm hungry, but I don't feel like eating. Maybe have a fucking Boost nutrition drink. They taste so good. Oh, my diet. I'm certain my diet will improve so much more now that I'm collecting BAS. Subsistence allowance. Buy my own food without guilt, pocket the surplus money. Will refuse to buy soda. Going to avoid sweets more often. Eat more high protein food. Greek yogurt parfait. Fruit salads. It feels really good to be buying this healthy food! Avoiding junk food. Gonna have to improve diet to improve physical fitness.
BAH will roll in soon. Housing allowance. My rent is 1330, though my BAH is 2000. Pocket the extra 700. Pocket the DLA (dislocation allowance) I'm being given as I'm now kicked out the dorm. And now I'm in a house. A real house. With space, my own furniture. My own shit everywhere. I do have a roommate, and he's cool. OK guy. Imagine that... being paid more to live in a better place. Don't you love the military?
That's all I have. A lot has been going on so I had to make a huge thing to post all about it. Now everyone will be up to speed.
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