Why do people comm? To support an artist? To get a quality product? I always feel like my money could be better spent elsewhere. It has value, but no personal value. It feels wrong to ever ask for money for my hobby. I'd rather it stay just that—a hobby that I can pick up and put down whenever I want without it being a responsibility or obligation. When you take a commission, that notion is gone. You have to deliver a product for your services.
I could not put a value on my work. I'm just selfish in that respect. I do it all for me and no one else. There has to be something to gain out of it if I make something for someone. Vindication? Validated, appreciated? It's too complicated. So I just churn out everything to spoil myself and everyone gets to watch it happen. It's easy to do and it's what I've always done.
There's got to be a way to support an artist beyond giving money. Trades? Sharing their work? Somewhat of an unknown. It eludes me. But when I receive some kind of gift, or a related gesture, it's something else.
I become assertive. Not so thankful, especially when it's of a sexual thing rather than something personally meaningful. The thankful and generous feeling will come to me later. Instead, I get competitive. "Ah, so you like X? So do I. I won't sit and let you test my dedication or push closer to my throne, my metaphorical domain." So I create something myself. Use the competitive teeth gritting and knuckle cracking to prove myself, assert and show my interest is just as strong.
Gives me a motive to create something once I do receive something. Push me, please, express your interest, and I will return the favor. I'll feel more justified my ego is safe once I've stood up to your gift as a challenge instead. Eye for an eye. Works out in the end. Something good came out of it for everyone. I'm still thankful, even if I don't look like it. It'll take a moment to offer my hand to shake.
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