Active listening

it may be so extremely taxing to do active listening. this occurs when I do not disclose much about my day, how I am doing, or what I am doing, instead asking questions and giving full and undivided attention to the other party by putting them in the limelight.

it is difficult. we enjoy reciprocity, but the reason why this whole thing is hard is because the dialogues I DO engage in most frequently is dialogues with myself. internal dialogue, and self-revealing speech in which I am effectively talking to myself. but therein lies the problem when another person is present—I am not talking to myself, I am supposed to be talking to another person. thus, it needs a different approach.

I am very used to speaking about myself and my interests, but I must suppress a need to express or be understood if it means conducting active listening. changing communication patterns can be exhausting. not seeking validation, support, or connection, because you're choosing to GIVE it to someone else instead. it makes me look bad then that I'm not a good active listener. it could mean I regularly, frequently, seek validation/support/connection.

how I present myself and share my experiences is a huge part of my identity, but not doing so because I'm using active listening, is taxing. 

so at what time I can share things about myself,to balance things into reciprocity, reduce the chance of someone feeling the communication is one-sided (or me being secretive).... it is hard. I'll just have to keep ingrained why I'm doing this and seeing my discomfort is in fact real and normal.

I mean, it is... it should be.... right?