This song reminds me of being free. Of being happy. There's such a bittersweet melancholy of a kind of sad-happy here. All I can do is wait. Just survive, and wait. Patience is the most difficult thing to try affording when instead I want to end this pain now and finally smile and be with the love of my life.
I'm more sure now. I do not want orders anywhere. I want to settle down in one place long term. Have a place to call home, with my love to share it with me.
I cannot do this much longer. I'd say different if I had not already went to college, or had a different career field. But I am marketable. I have options. I have resources. I have power. And it is about time I get to decide what I want without limitations.
Live a life a bit unhinged. Dress funny. Not a care in the world. Weed. Being my own person, not contractually obliged. Get selfish. Make things about me. Quitting when I want to. Saying no. Less sacrifices. To care about not about saying "I am living" but saying "I feel alive." To have my dreams realized. The luxuries and comforts of a proper home, a family, being my own person, in a place where the sun is literally always shining.
When I reach out with my hand, it is empty... Will you hold it?
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