You Are In Fact the Noise

As I listen to these sounds

Hear your voices too join

Seemed to come together then

Joined to part of the noise

And you become but notes and movements and fluid sound

To be nothing more than an instrument

Whose sounds are shapeless and unrecognizable forms

But exist in deliberate tandems

So be just a spectator to sound

Real real spectator

As with all, eventually, "disentertained" by your orchestra

Too with no enamor to odd presence

Eliminated your faculties in this thin box

Orchestra plays on no attendance

Yet strode out to nearest farthest reach on but a feeling

Forecast to say:

Walk 23 blind paces forward

Walk 23 blind paces back

Open your eyes

Seeing everything in the dark

Say not say

Beautiful your lips shall be turned

Not walked past the company's last ashed-over firewood

And if one passes you

"Salutations."

Walk.

im not in love

But I'm💥not💥in 💥love

What does it take to 💥fall 💥in💥love

Do people really 💥fall💥in💥love

🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁

WHUP

women

 

haha nah girl i just want to hang out. we are not doing that

thanks netflix

 

got some problem with extra member slot preventing me from seeing netflix--the extra member declined the invitation and the system continuously locked me out so i guess i had to talk to customer sevice

thank you jhuvluvynvyvnl. 

Active listening

it may be so extremely taxing to do active listening. this occurs when I do not disclose much about my day, how I am doing, or what I am doing, instead asking questions and giving full and undivided attention to the other party by putting them in the limelight.

it is difficult. we enjoy reciprocity, but the reason why this whole thing is hard is because the dialogues I DO engage in most frequently is dialogues with myself. internal dialogue, and self-revealing speech in which I am effectively talking to myself. but therein lies the problem when another person is present—I am not talking to myself, I am supposed to be talking to another person. thus, it needs a different approach.

I am very used to speaking about myself and my interests, but I must suppress a need to express or be understood if it means conducting active listening. changing communication patterns can be exhausting. not seeking validation, support, or connection, because you're choosing to GIVE it to someone else instead. it makes me look bad then that I'm not a good active listener. it could mean I regularly, frequently, seek validation/support/connection.

how I present myself and share my experiences is a huge part of my identity, but not doing so because I'm using active listening, is taxing. 

so at what time I can share things about myself,to balance things into reciprocity, reduce the chance of someone feeling the communication is one-sided (or me being secretive).... it is hard. I'll just have to keep ingrained why I'm doing this and seeing my discomfort is in fact real and normal.

I mean, it is... it should be.... right? 

Libel

He's fortunate to have lost his mouth

For once torn the very inward words

Clock ran just for her

Forcing habitual suppressions down

He retained something, but what

Here is the solution

"But enough about me,"

A Professional Deal

     Wanted to combine a mod in Left 4 Dead 2 that replaces all the L4D2 crew with characters from Animal Crossing. Wanted to do it instead with all of them being Niko from OneShot. Tried modding it myself, but couldn't figure it out. Solution? Pay someone.

    Went to Checkpoint, a site for commissions, found this gentleman named Mage, a game dev with experience in Source. Offer was $10 to do this. Reached out, spoke a deal, and he got to work.

    It was not long before I got to see how much of a professional this person is. Regularly gave updates, screenshots, and information about the work. Here's a handful.

    Very knowledgeable person, told me about the dozen or so fixes made to the original model from MSF, the creator. Some clipping, viewmodels, shaders, drawcells, VMTs, etc. Always consulted me if I wanted to make an optional change or not, and did not charge for them except for one significant and optional overhaul which I declined. Whatever he struggled with too, he reached out to others for  assistance. 

    So not only did I get what I had initially thought I'd get--just four Nikos--but Mage cleaned up the model, provided the model standalone as well, and created the mod for both the L4D1 and L4D2 cast. I could not be more satisfied with the courtesy and professionalism of this individual, and his expertise surpasses his reputation. For his exceptional service, I chose to pay out twice the initial price.

    Now it's time for the Niko-pocalypse!

Very well

Imagine saying bye ahead of time

So... alright

see you tomorrow

Yeah right!

Hah! Since when was the last time you did something like that? Please! I expect nothing more than, well, nothing ain't more than itself is it, huh?

Plants Discovered in Hiking

in some nearby universe, I am a botanist? Something I found myself doing frequently during hikes is logging some of the plants I find...

1. Vinegarweed - Collins Lake

2. Buckbrush - Black Swan

3. Coyote Brush - Bobelaine

4. Horsetails - Bobelaine

5. Tidy Tips - Beale

6. Blue Dicks - Beale

7. Yerba Santa - Hammon

8. Manzanita - Black Swan

9. Delphinium Parryi - Beale

10. California Buckeye - Beale, Black Swan

11. Queen Anne’s Lace - Black Swan

12. Blackberry - Black Swan

13. Tree of Heaven - Auburn Quarry Tr.

14. Sulphur Buckwheat - Auburn Quarry Tr.

A House For Me

This is my house. No roommates, no pets. In the evening he can surf on the table to see the last light. Ponder, and after the rock spins, return, and speak into box. My house, shall I have you over? Sure. Somewhat and somewhat not—it's not real (I digress, he thinks it's a little different, but something of note)—so let's use the box.

Contained within is an alternative. An overlay and augmentation to the house. Yes! That's all it is. His vector-men. Intangible tangibles here in my house. Welcome to my house. Yet, on the events, comes the Vacuum. What a clean house. A few things tossed here and there but otherwise clean. Is it? At least I think it is. Wheels on flat roads, it moves well. So, let us speak.

Occasion rolls nice. But the Vacuum. Tumultuous enough fills his house that the air of his lungs are emptied and eyes obscured and frozen in motion and straight lines on his face and seeing and listening and watching and furthering dimming and finally. Ah. I see. It all makes sense.

Vacuum is a dampening. Noisy thing. Sounds fill the room. An emptying of something in here, what, I can see, and thus, at the peak of your existing existlessness and complete incompleteness it brings about a time stop. 

Time must have a Stop. 

Thank you. Now what is it, I send their feet to cross the frame or my own? Who leaves here? Perhaps like this. Vacuum contagion under my roof, then he goes, yes, crushed his vectors and crumbled them to dust and without answer to the questions or the checking and the affirmations and take in the house again. Bitter, but it's different this time.

Chose to be just. Least in my thought. Rapid and terminal. Scowled, but take it in. What happened? Nothing. And you know what? Revel. Enjoy it. Felt good. Such in the rolling of this rock flips to the side and it is a new thing. It's the house as it were before anything. Indeed, nothing happened. Though you see the ashes within the box and the scent of tar, it is in my hands, and I may dispose. No longer walked in, but observed keen from the next day eye something forgettable. Dumb. Not of value. Perhaps to you, but this time, I think it'll make sense. Enjoying the empty house. Yes. And when I greet you later, let's just say I'll gleefully speak through the crack. Yes. Calm, relaxed, through the drip feed.

Ballad of Falses

Danced upon a momentary's pin as a mute

Had lips thinning upon the company

With merely eyes and ears

Appears to be the lightest sports

So true rings that realization

Abrupt sharp and sudden it is perpendicular

And tangent til ful it becomes an art

Shall turn furrowed eyebrows to say that tune

O Nobly Born it echoes

Reminder of pleasantry softest cradle

Chimes call to your hurt

It shall waterfall

At the last minutes

Let blossom tears comfort you

Symbol of foregone single walking forever

Extended hands to your shadow for longest

May it bring a swift and silent end

Beautiful I call this black screen

Dispel

Dispel the story

Diverted his eyes and ears for the lack

of what

Living on repeat until when

Lesser volumes given

And kept the dialogues aside

Hesitances flowing on paper

Shall they say "just talk"

Patience sales out of stock

Crackd to sell the songs

How To Shake Your Head

It was the best story yet

stupid capitalist society

 

will you fucking believe it? i dont get delivery, like, ever, cuz of this shit

minimum order has to be $20, oh also, there's all these fees and stuff, just to make you pay more. support local fee? DELIVERY FEE? why should i even bother tipping? god, i shouldnt have tipped at all, come to think of it, if i'm already being sucked of an extra $10 or so 

man i aint doing this shit again fuck delivery and fuck fees

Terminus

Ventur'd through strings

Wisp tangents to surface

Upon rip'd horizon

Blessed to his flock company

Dip low its halo

Will soon mourn early vanishments

Fly with notes of the flood

Beckon here and then

Momentary slumbers chambering

Through your vestiged rifles

Down come your joys

Etch them unto your present