saw one of my internet mutuals post some art, it got so much praise. everyone's fawning over it. i hate seeing that. contributes to an unhealthy relationship with the internet to see someone getting so much praise and love and attention. that may be to discredit myself, who also posts art and has about 1800 followers and i also get praise too but... what is it really worth, when i have other things i am more passionate about than art? do you know what i think is worth more praise? myself. me. recognition for being who i am. someone who loves my flaws. is that even possible? i don't. i feel more aware of identifying myself by my negative traits, that's easier. identifying myself by positive qualities is too difficult. but it may not even matter because reality is primarily subjective and i think the most important kind of love is self love, which i'm not even good at, so... yeah. if i loved myself more, maybe i'd be able to handle this whole situation better.
part of me says i just do not have an adequate support system. excluding family, there seems to be no one. but for the few that are there, we engage so rarely or have shared so little that i dont even think i'd call it a sufficient amount of support. in the end, you can only rely on yourself to even live.
i just wished i got a few more thank yous and some expressions of gratitude from my husband too. but nooo, he's been unemployed for over a year, what can he even do? it's not like he can even get me a gift or take me somewhere nice, out of the blue.
